I’ve been starting to think of sad thoughts lately because of somethings running through my head. I don’t live a perfect life, and I don’t aim to live such since I know that perfect’s going to be just boring. I tend to be sad a lot lately due to some issues I’ve been attending to, but I’m glad my parents taught me how to be positive about everything around me.

I don’t know why I’m sharing this, but maybe I just need to breathe.

I was talking to my boyfriend awhile ago about how hard it is to be the daughter of someone like my dad, someone who thinks failure is never an option. I look up to him, but not by the way he looks upon life. He thinks that failure is something that will just ruin you, something you never should think of, but in my opinion — failure leads to success. I just can never talk against him. He’s a really smart guy, intimidating at times, but funny if you caught him off-guard.

He taught me how to grow up at an early age, and since I’m his only daughter, only kid, and the only one who has the last name his father gave him, he thinks I should be perfect… Which I hate.

I have to live up to everything he tells me, I have to live up to his duties, I have to live up to the life he has patterned me to live. It’s okay! I love my dad, but sometimes, it gets too suffocating. It sometimes hurts me when he pressures me, and give me some “tough love” with words that challenge me so much. He never spoiled me, he’s not like other dads who give their daughter all they want, but it’s okay I know he loves me even if. :)

I never felt like a child around him. He always talks about news, politics, history, facts, you know? Old people topics… Sometimes he talks about life to me, which is what I love. But sometimes I always hope that he’ll treat me like a kid. He’s too busy making his business grow, he’s too busy letting himself grow old, that he has forgotten that he taught me how to grow up so fast, and now that I’m growing up very fast… He tries to cope up.

Me: I always have to work hard.
Boyfriend: Don’t worry dear, when we’re older I’ll try to show you what childhood is about.
Me: Thank you dear, I expect that.

I smiled, I really did. I cried even, and I am thankful that God has given me such a wonderful boyfriend who never judged me, who understands me fully, and who’s always there when I need someone. I love him so much for all the patience, for all the effort.

Again, I don’t know why I’m blogging this, and sharing this to 21k strangers in the internet, maybe I just need to breathe. Maybe, just maybe.